hippie (hippy?) thought of the day

well, it's a thought of the day that was a day that was a couple of months ago.

oh, and i don't know if there's actually a proper way to spell 'hippie'. i prefer the 'ie' version, cuz the other version just makes me think of pear-bummed people.

anyhoo, i was on a hike a couple of months ago (not anywhere too exciting...but it's exciting enough that if you have access to a car, you can get the hell out of toronto and into some pretty scenery within a very short period of time).

as i walked through the forest, feeling heady from the fresh air and the first REAL day of warmth and sun and bare legs, the most stoner-rific - but still, like, TRUE, man - thing i have ever thought stopped being a thought and became something i said to my 2 hiking companions.

'so, you know how pretty much everything gets older, and as it gets older, it gets weaker and weaker, decays, then dies? And that's how almost all living things go? well, what about TREES, man? (*the 'man' might just be something i'm throwing in now to make me sound more stoner-rific*) the older they get, the stronger and more beautiful they become. just go to northern california or b.c. and check it out. that's pretty trippy (*once again, 'trippy' may be for comedic effect*).'

some trees even get so strong and beautiful that they grow their own wangs. groovy.

something i like

i like that the cute old chubby lady at subway called me 'sweetheart' today.

sacked

i hate sack dresses.

it's probably all her fault:

WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO COPY THE ANOREXIC GIRL WHO NOW DATES A GUY FROM GOOD CHARLOTTE???

please, unless you are trying to conceal a pregnancy, do not wear a sack dress. if you think you look fat, do not resort to the sack dress, cuz as you can see above, it even makes rosario dawson look mildly obese.

no exception, unless you are pregnant....but still, maybe try a baby doll or an empire waist so at least your bust is defined in some way. otherwise, only 2 exceptions are allowed... i had to go through sacking for these reasons:

1. i was in a high school music in grade 12 where i had a 2 line part. i was part of this sort of former prostitute/born again quartet, and having lines meant we got costumes rented for us. they didn't have enough money in the budget to rent us fancy dresses for the big number, so we had to pay 10$ for cheap red material and sew our own dresses. we were given a specific pattern which must have simply been called 'Sack'. a few whisks of the sewing machine, 1 pair of black magic gloves, and 1 scraggly black boa later, voila! sacktastic costumes to wear while we belted 'blow, gabriel, blow'. indeed.

2. i have received many oversized t-shirts for pointless reasons over the years. i used to wear them to bed. i don't wear them anymore for fear of being tempted into public sacking.

thank you. hopefully my next post can focus on something i don't hate.

my hate is on

and now, for no particular reason (much like any other post on any other blog unless you are a celebrity gossip blogger, in which case you have removed every letter from your keyboard that is not contained in the words 'paris' 'hilton' and 'prison') i give to you some bands/musicians that i hate.



i want to do this cuz while we have our old standbys Nickelback, Celine Dion, Kenny G, Jessica Simpson, etc...to hate on, the music that TRULY pisses me off is the music that is usually praised by fans and critics alike. if you are one of the 5 people who reads this blog, and you love one of the following music makers, i apologize. you have my permission to rip on Zeppelin, the White Stripes, T.Rex, or anyone else i love to your hearts content in the comments section.



*disclaimer: i am by no means a real music critic, and since i hate all these songs/musicians, if my descriptions are not accurate, it's because i try my best to AVOID said music, but the short encounters i have had to endure have left a lasting impression*



- stars. or 'the' stars. i don't know. i also don't care. i despise the listless and woozy quality of their music, and how much indie scenesters eat that indie shit up with an indie spoon (this is a quality i have found chracterizes much of the indie music scene - 'i am so cool and alienated that i am going to strum this guitar with 3 strings and play along to my ipod while i wear this scarf with a piano printed on it. i will mumble into the mic about seahorses wearing boots and YOU WILL ADORE IT!'. i'll respect the shittiest of music, even if it's delivered by celine dion, cuz at least it sounds like she's got some balls, and you have to give her credit for actually being able to sing). mostly i hate Stars cuz Amy Millan sounds like a sleepy 7 year old girl when she sings with this band. every time her fluffy precious little voice starts up over one of their 'i am so isolated yet hip, romantic and mushy' pop songs i want to stick a lolly pop in her mouth - like one of those great big round 'gourmet' ones you can buy at canadian tire - so she'll shut up...and maybe choke on it and die.


- any song on constant rotation at CHUM FM - a station that my office mate pumps through this god forsaken room from 9-5, monday to friday, which i then try to battle w/ my constant CBC listening...this is usually successful, aside from when the CBC scorns me by playing something like Stars. i curse you, jian ghomeshi. i also curse Can Con because it's the reason why i hear the entire nelly furtado and avril lavigne song catalogues day after day.



- joanna newsom. YOU SUCK THE MOST. you are also the musician i have heard the least, cuz thankfully you are not a 'commercial' success. yes, you are the patron saint of pitchfork media and anyone else attempting to be pretentious. i guess i could just lump this one in with my hatred of amy millan and the little girl voice thing, but i'd take a century of listening to Stars- type-Amy vs. listening to any newsom song the whole way through. you can argue that her approach to lyrics is original and refreshing, and her orchestration is inventive and whimsical cuz of that harp stuff, but you know what? there's this singer called Tori Amos, and guess what? she doesn't sound like an autistic child inhaled helium and decided that 'warbling' is an admirable singing technique. she's an excellent singer, in fact. amos' orchestration is quite fascinating (harpsichords, harps, french horns, sheet metal...) and she will always fulfill your need from the absurd in terms of lyrics. however, since she doesn't sound like a talking bumble bee, she has no indie cred. fucko.



- gwen stefani (this does not include 'no doubt' music, just her solo efforts, plus the song 'what u waiting for'). i was really excited when i heard gwen was going to try going solo, cuz, well, come on, who doesn't think this lady is cool? i have loved her since i saw her at a festival in denmark in 1995 when she jumped off a 10 foot tall speaker in yellow leather bondage pants. and her first single, 'what u waiting for ' was AMAZING. i loved it. i still love it. i will always love it. that's why it pained me all the more when we first put on love.angel.music.baby. at work when i was employed by HMV. we couldn't even get through the whole thing, it was so bad. i thought, "oh well, this is so shitty, it will never catch on, and she'll just go back to her band." but no, hollaback girl went on to destroy music as we know it. i blame my humps entirely on hollaback and it's 'groundbreaking' non-use of instrumentation and obnoxious fake urban accent nasal speak/singing. b-a-n-a-n-a-ASS. and the new album? that song wind it up sounds like the soundtrack to a recurring nightmare i had when i was 8 that involved evil barbapapas.



ok, this list might get longer, but that's it for now. i apologize how hate-filled these rants might be, but it's been a long week, and i had to take out my frustration on something/someone. i also just realized that everything i hate so far is female-based, but i think it's because since i am a female singer myself, it pains me when i hear someone doing the same thing that i can do, yet doing it quite shittily. catty, i know. meow.